Speeding Is Dangerous
by Maxcy Leland
Summary: 110 mph is too fast. But when your older brother is already flooring it, there's not much you can do. Drabbles of the royals of Fates handling random situations...beginning with a speeding car.
1. Chapter 1

**I was bored, and I thought about how I would like to be in a speeding car with Xander. And then I wondered how the royal siblings of Nohr and Hoshido would react to being in a speeding car. I apologize** **in advance** **for any OOC-ness.**

* * *

 **Nohr**

"Xander, dear, couldn't you ease up a little on the gas pedal? There's no point in our deaths if we can't take down a few of our enemies when we go." It was mystery how Camilla always managed to sound calm, even when yelling over the noise of a sports car barreling down the freeway at 110 mph.

"I'm experiencing nausea," Leo noted coolly and loudly, as Xander made a particularly sudden swerve to avoid the other cars coming towards them in the opposite direction. "I may retch."

"I forbid it," Xander ordered through clenched teeth. "I'm afraid that it is impossible for me to stop now, or all these other vehicles will make shrapnel of our conveyance. And let it not be mentioned what would happen to us."

"Yippee!" Elise squealed. "I love your driving, Xander!"

"Stop bouncing on the seats, love," Camilla murmured.

Elise sat still and looked around the inside of the car. "What do you think these long cloth straps are for? Look! You can make them longer by pulling them out from the seats, and they get sucked back in when you let go."

"Did you know that because we are moving with this vehicle, if our conveyance came to a complete stop immediately, we would all continue moving at 110 miles per hour - right through the windshield?" Leo asked Xander. "It's true. Inertia would cause our bodies to keep moving until gravity, air resistance, and other forces came into play. I wonder how long we would survive."

"I think we're going to find out very soon!" Xander shouted.

A huge semi-truck was hurtling towards them...

* * *

 **...And Hoshido**

"I could have dodged that one much smoother, Ryoma," Takumi complained. "Tell me again why you're the one driving."

"What's more important is why are you driving this fast?!" Hinoka yelled into the High Prince's ear. "If we all die, Nohr will take over before we're cold in our graves."

"A hawk never hesitates before the dive; just strike!" Ryoma yelled back gleefully.

"That doesn't even make sense! Plus, you do realize that the strike culminates in death, right?"

"For our foes."

"These are not our foes, Ryoma! And Sakura doesn't want you to kill anyone!"

"Th-that's right. Please d-don't kill anyone." Sakura's plea was lost in the roar of the engine.

"Oh please," Takumi laughed. "This is way awesome, even if Ryoma has never driven a car before." He turned on some heavy metal music, cranking up the volume, slid open the overhead skylight, and stuck his head out. He stood tall, letting his long, gray ponytail whip in the wind like a flag.

Inside the car, Hinoka and Ryoma started bobbing their heads to the beat of the music. Sakura sighed. As long as they were together, she supposed it would all turn out well.

* * *

 **This is just me trying to get a feel for the characters of FE Fates. Feedback would be appreciated, but it's mostly here for fun. I'll probably be continuing this sporadically, so feel free to suggest a situation for me to drop the royals into, and I promise to give it consideration. :) Azura and some retainers might show up in later chapters, but I want to focus on these eight for now.**

 **Anyone waiting on my other stories, I sincerely apologize for writing this instead, but it was just a sudden thought and I decided to run with it.**


	2. Stalking is Dangerous

**I'm baaack! More nonsense, since it seemed to be appreciated. Saizo stalks the Nohrian royals...**

* * *

"Saizo?" Xander had expected a butler to be at his elbow, and instead found that Ryoma's retainer was standing behind him at the dinner table.

Scribbling in a notebook.

Xander squinted at the label. "'Xander Observations Notebook'? I didn't know I was so interesting."

"I am always interested in potential threats to my lord."

"A threat. I see." Xander sighed and turned back to his meal. "I hope that such intense examination of my actions will spur me to greater success as a warrior and a prince."

 _Is desperate to become more powerful_ , Saizo wrote.

 **000**

"Lord Leo, a creature of the umbral mists haunts your wake. Every step, every gesture, even every breath that issues from your lungs is captured in the glance of his single eye. Such guile-"

"Odin!" Leo snapped. "How many times have I told you cease speaking ill of Niles?"

"But I wasn't," the mage protested. "The shadows about your grand person harbor none other than Saizo, retainer-"

Leo cut him off with a wave of the hand. "How long has he been watching me?"

"His suspicious glower has followed you for half a score of sunrises and gives no sign of relenting."

"Wonderful. I can factor that into my latest strategy. He is bound to be an ally, despite what suspicions he harbors."

 _Twists every situation to his advantage_ , Saizo scrawled across the page.

"Ah. I'm going to tell Niles to hold off on the stabbing." Odin chuckled nervously.

"Please do. Before he gets himself killed."

Saizo pushed aside unconscious form of Leo's thief and hurried to his next post.

 **000**

"Saizo!" Elise ran across the flowered field to where the ninja was standing. "Are you here to make daisy crowns too?"

"No."

"Whatcha doing then?"

"Watching you."

"Great! Now I have three retainers!"

"But I'm not-" His protest fell on deaf ears.

"Come on!" Elise dragged him towards Arthur and Effie. "We're going exploring and it's gonna be so fun!"

That night Saizo could barely keep his eyes open as he wrote in his 'Elise Observations Notebook'. _Exhausts the enemy by forcing them to help her climb mountains, swim rivers, wrestle her female retainer, and rescue her male retainer._

 **000**

"I like the title of your notebook, Saizo," Camilla crooned. "How exactly are you gathering these observations?"

"There is only one way to gather observations."

 _Is stupid._

"Let me clarify. _When_ are you gathering these observations?"

 _Has a knife in her voice._

"All the time."

"You're watching me all the time? I'm flattered, darling. But, even when-"

" _Especially_ then."

"Oh dear me. Well then, I don't suppose I can dissuade you..."

"Of course not."

"Then if you'll be so sweet as to excuse me a moment..." The princess swayed off in the direction of the royal tents.

Saizo followed like a good ninja stalker. He arrived just in time to hear her coo Ryoma's name.

"Dear Prince Ryoma, as much I hate to be the bearer of bad news, I must inform you that your lovely retainer, Saizo, is a pervert..."

Grounded to his lord's tent, and hot with the shame of disgracing his liege, Saizo angrily penned his latest entry. _Is a nasty tattletale._

* * *

 **I hope you liked this. I always thought that Corrin F should have handled Saizo a little differently, so this happened. If you want me to do a follow up with Beruka stalking the Hoshidans, say so in a review. Camilla wouldn't hesitate to have her assassin make sure no plans were being laid to steal Corrin away, you know. ;-)**


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